I was wondering if any of you nice folks involved in poly relationships could help me out? I have been thinking a lot about the poly lifestyle lately (is non-monogamy for me?) and had some questions about your individual experiences. Specifically: -Was this a lifestyle that was pre-negotiated at the onset of a relationship? -Or, rather, something that organically manifested itself in time? For those of you that may have experienced both: do you find that one course was preferable? Thanks
_________________ "If you're not outraged, you're not paying attention."
-Was this a lifestyle that was pre-negotiated at the onset of a relationship?
At the outset of my current relationship we discussed polyamory and we agreed this was the path our relationship would follow. I would not say we negotiated it but rather, we agreed to live this way. It ain't all beer and skittles and it takes a shit ton of work and talk but I prefer it other alternatives. I am sure poly can and has a way of manifesting down the road for a lot of folks that may have started out monogamous or other. Some can make that transition though I am not sure on the success rate. It's hard to unring a bell, yanno? Healthy boundaries need to be discussed and negotiated in ALL relationships.
_________________ "Are you telling me his balloon knot smells? Well, everyone's does."
"She's not as smart as I almost sometimes think she might be."
I must say I'm very much in love with the idea of having a relationship that allows me to grow and explore. I just got out of a 4 year relationship, by the end I felt completely claustrophobic. My poor little free spirit was totally clipped. I guess I'm just unsure as to how to pursue the idea... I gotta get me that Ethical Slut book.
Had either of you been in a poly relationship before? Sorry...I'm nosey.
_________________ "If you're not outraged, you're not paying attention."
Ok I havent posted in ages but I think there are a few things that need to be said.
First it isn't a lifestyle anymore than being gay is. Swinging is a lifestyle. Poly is part of you in the same sort of way that being gay is.
I do know people who have made poly a lifestyle and I've yet to know any for whom it wasn't a disaster. Simply put I think it has to be something that's a key part of your nature. Simply because if it's not then it will act like a wedge and split wide open every little crack that might or might not exist in your relationship.
Now that said if you find that you have intense passionate, loving feelings equally for two or more people at once all the time then go for it but expect a SHEDLOAD of work. It is REALLY hard work. And requires absoute honesty.
Since Rose and I got together we have been poly. I wasn't actively so for a couple of years but I always had the option. It was there from the start and we have now reached a wonderful happy space. She has her bf and we share the wonderful and wonderous Werekitten as the third side to our triangular cuddle.
It works. But mostly because we work hard and are all actually poly by nature.
_________________ Once I had a child She was smiling like sunshine She could see it all Like she'd been here before http://www.helium.com/users/449070
I'd also like to address DATING which is something a whole hell of a lot of people are really clueless about (not pointing out anyone here necessarily).
(For the record, dating is exploring multiple partners at once and not making any commitments.) This is NOT how I define poly. Gosh, if only monogamous-minded folk would date a little before getting all in a lather over one person.......
There's dating and then there's relationships. The whole 'growing and exploring' piece is what I think of when I think of dating. Surely, one grows and explores when in a relationship(s) but when I move into a hardcore committed situation those negotiations, boundaries and rules come into play. Feck, if more people DATED instead of blobbing onto some poor slob after 5 minutes of fucking, there'd be less whining and bitching. "Look everyone! I've found THE ONE®, go get the U-Haul!"
But, I digress.
To answer the direct question--I was not in a poly relationship prior to this one, but my partner was (well, that's a dark and treacherous territory to discuss but for the sake of argument let's say she WAS) and we both knew at the outset it was "in our core/nature."
Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 1 guest
You cannot post new topics in this forum You cannot reply to topics in this forum You cannot edit your posts in this forum You cannot delete your posts in this forum You cannot post attachments in this forum
